Things are really starting to come together now, piece by piece. I am proud of myself for having achieved so many good things already this year. I am now only 2 digital pieces away from completing the body of work for my art show “No Place Like Home” – one of the two new collections of artworks. It feels wonderful to be this close to finishing the story about finding a home (in the world, in love, in oneself). I have been working on this collection since 2013. The two digital pieces I have yet to finish are “The Pink House” – which is the beginning of the story, and “The House of Lava” – which is the last chapter in the show.
I will also launch my Swedish writing project on Sunday this week – it’s another blog but more like a scrapbook, which will hopefully turn into a book one day.
Today is my mom’s birthday and I surprised her with this portrait of her grandmother, Olga, that I made in PhotoShop, based on a cabinet card of her (probably from the first decade of the 20th century). My mom is currently making a genealogy project about Olga, who died when my mom was very young. I thought it would be nice if my mom was able to look Olga in the eyes, something that is absolutely impossible in most of the original photos of her. It was a big challenge to retouch and clean this portrait in order to highlight her kind and sweet features. I also had to remove that chair and create an arm from nothing. It was hard work but so much fun. I gave her a new stool to sit on and 11 pink stars in the background, counting all the siblings in her family, including herself. My mom was very moved and happy about her gift, it meant a lot to hear to have a more clear picture of her grandmother’s face.
My Swedish writing project is soon ready to launched, perhaps in a week or so. I feel really good about it. It is not only a writing project, but also an initiative, a space for like minded people to connect on a deeper level. This project has so much potential and can grow in many different directions. I will link to it once it’s up and running.
I have made a new version of my digital piece Anxiety (which is based on the face in last year’s work Bones of Rape). And I have been planning more digital pieces – I have so many new things I wish to express in my work.
I keep growing out of old and twisted self images and destructive patterns that has kept me in locked positions in various relationships and situations. It is such a liberating experience and it opens up new possibilities to express myself in a more free and direct way. I think this is the turning point where I am finally able to break my fear and replace it with necessary and positive anger so I can stand up for myself when I need to – instead of my old patten where I kept quiet and allowed myself to be abused and humiliated. I have certainly come a long way. I never thought I would be able to break away from all the fear and insecurities. It seemed like they had become part of me – part of my identity. Luckily, I was wrong. Writing in my secret diary ‘the book of wrath’ has been one of the best things I’ve ever done. Learning how to be angry is amazing. It used to frighten me so, but it is truly the key to self-preservation and keeping the core safe and intact.