Surrendering

I am fighting this overwhelming feeling of fatigue, but I am obviously failing. I think I just have to surrender and stop fighting it. Perhaps I’ve been pushing myself too hard to get back into my routines of creativity and making art. I will try to be more patient and wait it out. I need to rest and stay away from any kind of pressure – especially if it’s coming from myself.

The photo shoot at the haunted hotel is less than a week away. I can’t wait. However it’s the first time I’m doing a photo shoot where I’m mimicking the method of my collaboration with Domenique; coming up with a story, creating characters, planning appropriate make up, costumes and attitudes. The biggest difference this time is that I have to do everything myself. Domenique was a make up artist and a stylist – I am neither. It makes me a little nervous. But if I succeed, I won’t feel as dependent on Domenique anymore.

I’ve spent this weekend trying to sort things, clean and organize my stuff so I can get rid of a lot of furniture – and make room for new ones. I have always loved to get rid of things, it’s more satisfying to me than to go shopping for new stuff. I love the process of change. It feels refreshing and hopeful.

I have a clear vision of how this apartment will look like, once I’m done with all the changes. It will take me a few months until it’ll match my vision. I guess I am being pretty creative after all…

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