It has been hard to go back to the digital piece in progress, since I feel like I’ve already moved on from the collection about the houses. I am not looking for a home anymore, I have found it within myself, in Johnny’s heart, in my new friends, in my art and in the world outside myself. The only homes I have yet to find are in the Swedish art community and a geographical place that makes me feel at peace. I know I don’t belong here in this city, or in this country for that matter. My dream is to move to the States one day, with Johnny of course. I have a soft spot in my heart for the Pacific Northwest. It sure has some Nordic qualities and it’s the home to many locations used in Twin Peaks (more on Twin Peaks in tomorrow’s post).
But I’m not a nature person. I wouldn’t really live that close to the lakes or the woods even if I’d move there. But it is beautiful and I feel drawn to the moody and misty landscape. I love rain, so perhaps Seattle would fit me perfectly.
I want Johnny to stay in the States, Sweden doesn’t really have that much to offer an American poet when it comes to a writer’s community, but he is sacrificing it just to be with me. I feel very grateful. I would love to move to him but it is impossible right now – and I really don’t want to live in a country run by a Narcissistic maniac. But I am sure we will find a way to move to the States in the future. Or somewhere else. Just not here. At least not until I feel like I belong to a real context here. A context that makes sense to me – and feels like home.