It’s a gloomy day and I feel just as gloomy. One failed painting was all it took for the stupid self-doubt to seep into my system again. The painting was an experiment and I knew it could turn to shit (which it did) at any moment. I know I am probably too hard on myself. One failed painting – I am allowed! But I just feel low and annoyed. The new ideas I have are both interesting and challenging and I should give myself time to explore them instead of judging each failed attempt to use them in my art. I have to learn how to be more forgiving to myself, how to separate ‘failed attempt’ from feeling like a ‘failure’.
I keep forgetting about the word my therapist said I have too little of; patience.
Someone also told me: “for each failure, you are one step closer to your goal.” I guess it’s true. When toddlers learn how to walk, they are closer to their goal every time they fall over. The trick is to get back up again.
And again. And again.