The luggage

I keep waking up from these dreams about being at a New York airport and losing my luggage on the way to the city. In the dream I feel panicked. I am not sure if the dream is just a dream or if it’s a nightmare. If the message is about leaving the past behind (my emotional baggage) or about forgetting about my resources. Am I panicking because it feels unfamiliar to live without all the fear, the pain and the suffering – or because I forget about my strengths and talents? Perhaps it’s simply a dream about me losing my luggage on my way to New York City. Of losing control. But I always wake up feeling like there’s something missing, something important.

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I am in the process of letting go of my emotional baggage. I have a little distance to it now. Where I used to feel sad, I am now feeling anger or indifference. Some things will always be painful and unfair but I have accepted the fact that I can’t do anything about it. I can’t change it. I can’t go back and undo it. I can’t affect it. I can’t make any sense of it. At least now I can live without the heavy weight of wanting to change it. I guess this is exactly what the serenity prayer is all about;

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“give me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, courage to change the things i can and wisdom to know the difference.”

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I am also learning how to harness the inner peace I feel when I am meditating so I can use it as a resource whenever I want and need to. There are a lot of different techniques to do this and I am studying them to learn how to be in control of my own emotional states and moods. No external force can make me feel anything unless I allow them to. That’s the key. It is hard to master because it is easier to base the behavior on reactions instead of controlled resources. But to master it is like always carrying a suitcase full of serenity and strength.

Maybe my dream was a reminder of both these processes.

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