I woke up feeling stronger and more clear-minded today. Hopefully I am out of the anxiety for now (during my ovulation hormone storm and all – a double victory!). I will try to become more active and get out of my apartment more. Pathetic-behavior alert: yesterday I went to the mall and asked a salesperson some random questions just to have some kind of human and social interaction (!!). I wish I had more friends in this city. I miss Stockholm and my friends there. I’m turning into an isolated cave woman. I guess the cave is really a ‘shame cave’ because I’ve felt a lot of shame due to my health problems and the fact that I’m broke. I need to stop this behavior. Who cares if my body looks strange or if I don’t have any money? It’s almost expected of me as an artist anyway. It only adds to the freak status. So, I’m winning.
I’m having a good time with my secret writing project. It will take a long time to make but I feel like writing is the creative expression where I always get into that glorious flow. I’ve been writing almost every day for more than ten years now, and even though it’s been nothing more than blog posts about my inner journey or simple diary notes, it’s given me a lot of practice. In the book Outliers, author Malcolm Gladwell claims that it takes roughly ten thousand hours of practice to achieve mastery in a field. Well, I’ve got that covered.