When you’ve changed so much as I have, it’s hard to be confronted with something familiar to whatever you left behind. The familiarity of it is alluring because it feels like like home, but then there’s this uncomfortable and painful aftertaste that you can’t stand. Like an allergic reaction to old patterns and destructive elements.
It can be hard to face confrontations like this because it triggers a conflict of loyalty and a feeling compromising the change. The change you’ve worked so hard for.
But once you’ve changed, it’s impossible to go back. It’s like an old version of reality that has lost its substance and color. It doesn’t fit you anymore. And you don’t fit that reality. You never did.
I never did.