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It’s a day of rest. I’m trying to gather new energy because I think I’ve used it all up on my creativity lately. The pollen season is also reaching its climax right now and it makes me feel drained and drowsy. Some allergic Swedes are even fleeing the country to “survive” the predicament. I will continue painting as soon as my health improves. The creative process is taking much longer than I first expected, I’m sort of rusty as a painter but I’m also much more thorough and precise now. Working with digital art has definitely turned me into a perfectionist. I used to be spontaneous and splash paint on the canvas. Now, I can work on details for hours and everything is very controlled and planned. I think it’s probably a combination of being more present since I’ve overcome the disassociating state of PTSD and having my shit together for the first time in my life. That’s why it’s frustrating to be this damn tired – I have so much I want to do! But right now I need to be focused on my breathing and letting go of any negative energy or any doubts. I find my meditation in laughing, at the moment to the Swedish TV and podcast duo Filip and Fredrik.

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