I can’t seem to shake off the feeling of not having any solid ground to stand on right now. The only solid thing at the moment – is me. Which is ironic because it used to be the exact opposite – I used to live in a comfort zone where I was full of chaos and confusion. It’s comforting in a way, to know that just because my reality is shifting in its form and size, I stay intact.
It’s not that I’m full of doubts, it’s more that I’m about work really hard to reach my dreams and ambitions – and I want to understand what I’m getting myself into, what I’m actually about to achieve. I’m asking “can I really do this?”, not as a doubt but more like forming an agreement with myself. Could I write the books I want to write? Could I ever leave Sweden and move to America? Could I be successful and make a lot of money? What do I have to sacrifice in order to be able to achieve my goals? What I’m a willing to let go of to get further ahead? What is sacred and what is unimportant when I start to think about it? What is standing in between me and my goals? Time? Money? Self esteem? Insecurities?
The key to success and achieving goals is to always remember that every decision to make means choosing between comfort and growth. Most people are not willing to sacrifice the comfort and security of a “normal “life to go for their wildest dreams and aspirations. Daring greatly and taking risks means sacrificing certainties and the stillness of an untouched reality. My reality will always be flexible for new dimensions and weight. At times it will be heavy in order to shift, like it’s doing right now. Other times I’ll ride it like a wave to get to a new dimension within it. An artist has to be open-minded to these things. Things most people miss out on. But that’s just the thing – I have to acknowledge and appreciate all that instead of ignoring it. This is the purpose of my existence. It scares the hell out of me at times – to know that loss and sacrifices are part of the deal I have with my dreams.
I will always choose growth instead of comfort, because the time I made the opposite decision – the comfort almost killed me. I’m made for bigger things than to live a normal life. And I haven’t even really started yet. But I’m on my way. I just have to understand where exactly I’m going from here.